How I Got Free From My Secret Shame

My name is

Kairah James

Iwas just fourteen years old when my innocent curiosity lost its innocence as I opened the Pandora’s Box of pornography and masturbation.

Controlled By Shame And The Fear of What People Think

For seven years I was bound to this secret sin and I carried the unbearable weight of shame and guilt around with me wherever I went. I felt so burdened but at the same time I was worried about what others would think and so I suffered in silence.

For seven years, I wrestled with this and was crippled with anxiety at the thought of being exposed. Though the world wanted me to believe that this is simply a normal part of growing up, I knew in my heart that this was not God’s will for my life.

For years, I would strive out of my own strength to find the solution to my problem. I thought that if I tried harder, went to bed earlier, only listened to worship music etc., that I would be able to overcome this addiction and go on to tell others, “I did it all by myself”.

Giving Up Control to Find Freedom

 About two months ago, I began to unpack the idea of the Holy Spirit. The more I learned, the more at ease I felt about allowing the Spirit to lead me and after a series of events, I decided to fully relinquish control.

In that moment of complete surrender, I opened my mouth and for the very first time I was able to find the words to tell my story. I was at home with a friend when I felt this overwhelming feeling urging me to reveal to her what I was struggling with.

How I Surrendered And Found Myself

In an instant, the weight that I had grown so used to carrying was lifted as I was filled with a strong sense of deliverance. As I basked in the glory of the war that was won by the sword of my tongue and my willingness to let it all go, I realized that surrender is the key to freedom. And that key had always been accessible to me; I just wasn’t ready to receive it until now.

Now looking back, I can see that God has turned what was once the source of my inner war into my weapon. Through sharing my testimony, I have had some amazing conversations with others in my life, which has opened my eyes to the power of telling our stories. I have surrendered it all into His hands and never looked back since!