My name is
Strangled by her thoughts, but loved her family
I was happily married but I felt so isolated and forsaken. I was a pastor’s wife, a mum with 3 beautiful girls; Our marriage was great so why did I feel like this? With tears streaming down my face my baby girl in my arms and my husband beside me, negative thoughts began to fill my brain “you are worthless,”, “you are a horrible mother,” “ you have no purpose”, “your husband doesn’t love you anymore”. I began to question God and my faith.
“I began to question God, and my faith”
My parents and my husband decided that I needed help so I thought a week at home with my parents would be the best at the time.
It was 5 long years of trying to find the right medication, times when I felt so high I could fly and then times when I felt so low that I was drowning in my own tears. But with everything last breath I had I screamed at the enemy beneath me “I can do all things because Christ gives me strength” over and over I kept saying that verse. I thought I had lost my family and then my husband said: “I am here with you honey, We will get through this together”.
“I’m here with you, we will get through this together”
It was a bright sunny day in Huntsville Ontario as I sat on the sand with my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews and my husband and kids. We were on family vacation. I had just started a new medication, which was my last hope. I remember saying to my doctor “If this doesn’t work I am done with medication”. Let me tell you something, “It was the best decision I had made in a long time”.
As I sit here writing my story I can now look back and say “I am a Survivor”, “I made it”, and “There was a light at the end of the tunnel”. Thanks to Jesus himself, my amazing husband and my best friend, my family and many close friends for sticking with me. I am who I am today because I never gave up I persevered and fought the good fight. Lastly, I just want to say that if any of you who read this are experiencing any of the things I shared please share with someone how you feel. Don’t put yourself in a box, talk to someone. Share your thoughts and emotions with a close friend. You are valuable, important, and beautiful, you have a purpose, a destiny. Most of all God loves you even in your hurt and despair “You Matter”.